Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Angry rant about stuff because it's wot "Teh Internets" are for, got it?

Urgh. I'm pretty angry about stuff right now. It's not really like me to get angry - generally I'm fairly easy-going (at least I like to think so) and I tend not to get riled up about petty stupidities.

Today, for some reason, is different.

Firstly, I met a very nice man yesterday, with whom I was flirting, but I had to leave quite sharpish to catch the last train home. Correspondence with a friend has revealed that he is in a relationship. Damn. That was a bit annoying.

I hadn't been drinking last night as I'd started to hear my liver weeping for the last few nights I'd been out. It might have all been in my head, but either way it's not good. So I replaced alcohol with diet coke, and then I couldn't get to sleep until about 2am. When my alarm went off at 6am, I was pretty miffed.

Then I was in the shower and someone - SOMEONE - decided that they needed to switch the dishwasher on. WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER.

I did my best to not be angry, but afterwards when I was getting dressed, I discovered a hole in my favourite new dress! I can mend it, no problem, but I was gonna be late for work so I put on something that didn't need ironing and headed straight to the train station.

About 10 minutes into my walk to the train station, I realised that I'd left my iPhone at home! For the love of all that is good and proper in the world, I was fuming, and it was only 7.30 in the a-m.

I eventually got to Vauxhall, stressed, angry, slightly sweaty. I made my way into Tesco's to get my lunch. I picked up one of those Innocent Veggie Pots, the sort of minty Moroccan one, it's pretty good, got lentils and peas and aubergine in it as well, I was really looking forward to it. Spent the morning working/reading the internet. Got to 12pm to find that I'd bought the wrong veggie pot! So I had to walk all the way back to Tesco's (a good 15 minutes) to get some microwave rice or bread or something, anything to go with it.

On the way back from Tesco's I saw, quite possibly, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I doubt very much I will ever see something so incredible, so life affirming, so amazing again. Ever.

I witnessed someone slip on a banana skin.

This is no joke, it really happened. I couldn't laugh, I couldn't cry, all I could do was stand there in complete bewilderment at this most excellent spectacle. I was standing on the other side of the road outside my office, and I'd seen the banana skin on the floor on my way to Tesco's but didn't think much of it, other than "I'm fairly sure it's next to impossible to slip on a banana skin, no-one will ever do that unless it's got honey or maple syrup underneath it". How wrong could I be.

What happened was someone had (at some earlier point in time, before I'd gotten into work) opened a banana, eaten about half of it, and then dropped it on the floor. The way in which it fell made it look as though it had been finished. Today was a rather hot day in London, and the remainder of the banana had melted into the pavement. Some unsuspecting simpleton, clearly not paying attention to their surroundings, had discovered this unbelievable opportunity and inadvertently siezed it for my pleasure! I rushed for my phone, so that I could Tweet a photo of the aftermath, but alas, I had left it on the chair next to my bed. That squashed banana will be gone by tomorrow morning. Some diligent roadsweeper will have cleaned the evidence of this beautiful tragedy away. Lost forever in all but memory...

Blah blah blah, got to going home time, and there were CHILDREN and HAPPY COUPLES on my train SPEAKING LOUDLY. Bastards. As if the train isn't packed enough when the little darlings are at school. Christ, happy people annoy me. Especially today. Especially when I'm in a cantankerous mood. I was so annoyed that I rushed for a seat on the train, even though I was only going one stop. Take that commuting wankers. Sadly though, when I got off the train, I did feel sort of guilty about that. I was only going one stop. The tiny rush of superiority didn't last long at all, and it definitely wasn't worth it.

Being in a bad mood sucks. If I'd just had a few beers last night instead of all that diet coke, none of this would have happened.


  1. I also saw this happen once and was also filled with a sense of awe and wonderment. Then I felt a bit sheepish about getting so much pleasure from someone falling over.
    On the other hand, it's confirmed by belief in all things cartoon-like and I'm now waiting for the day a real pie-fight breaks out in a real up-market restaurant. Or when someone stands on a rake.

  2. Oh my god. The pie-fight in a restaurant is absolutely spot on! I'd probably cry tears of joy if I ever witnessed that.

    I once saw a woman throw her drink in her boyfriend's face. Sadly, I've never gone out with someone nice enough to let me get away with that :-(

    Cheers for the comment :-)

  3. I feel much better now too.