Sunday, 5 July 2009

Croydon is a shit hole. I have anecdotal evidence.


I've been posting a lot for the last couple of days as I've discovered I have about 15 readers of my little blog. It's very encouraging, and I thank you all for reading this.

I went out clubbing this evening in Croydon.

Before I continue, I'd like to say that not all of Croydon is a shit hole, just the bits that everyone tends to hang out in.

Anyway, went to the Loop Bar for a Drum and Bass night. I'm not usually into DnB but I thought I'd give it a go. I used to go raving a lot, how different could it be?

The difference was that this time I was in Croydon.

A rotund young gentleman in a white Ben Sherman shirt with spiky hair (no stereotype Danny Dyer wannabe *at all*) grabbed my posterior. I turned around as his hand was still on my behind for him to say:

"It wasn't me, I'd never touch your arse, you're a fat fucking paki"


Then his girlfriend turned up, who proceeded to ask me what happened. I retold the story, expecting her to be sympathetic, or laugh and say he does it all the time, I look like a friend of his or something, but she pushed me over and called me a liar!

A friend posted a tweet up just today saying he's sick of people saying how shite Croydon is. I've lived here my whole life and in that time I've been mugged, sexually assaulted (twice), and verbally abused too many times to recount.

Despite all this, I live here because there are great places to hang out, like the Black Sheep Bar, The Green Dragon, The Dog and Bull, The Brief, The Oval, and The Ship. I think from now on, as I usually do, I'll stick to these places...


  1. AHAHA. I'm orginally from Croydon! But I got out and adopted Scotland as my new homeland.

    Interesting to see things haven't changed. The Blue Orchid (sign of age) might have gone but the scummy racists haven't...

  2. Wow.

    How you resisted saying 'Yeah, well you're a racist piece of shit and you deserve each other,' I don't know...

  3. Seriously there are good places to go out in Croydon? Sounds fuckin dangerous to me. Good in what way?

  4. Hello all,

    I'm not the greatest at replying but I'll do my best!

    Sadly, the Blue Orchid closed down a few years ago *sob* and turned into a "trendy" sports bar, which has also since closed down. The entire complex (known as St Georges Walk) is scheduled for demolition soon to make way for another shopping centre - because two shopping centres in the centre of Croydon *just* isn't enough.
    Jealous that you got out!!

    As obvious as it was to everyone else in the club, that wasn't the first thing that sprung to my mind. I've never found it constructive to call a racist "racist" after they've said something racist to me, as they usually aren't that bothered. Had the music been softer, I probably would have said something like "OMMIGOD IT'S DANNY DYER AND THAT ANOREXIC ONE OFF GIRLS ALOUD!!!!!eleven!!!" and chased them for their autographs.

    Hello, I recognise you from Pickled Politics, where I have been posting far too much instead of working!
    The Dog and Bull has the lovliest beer garden and incredibly attractive bar staff (Steve and Jon, you guys are the dogs bollocks).
    The Green Dragon serves an impressive range of fine ales and wines, as well as a decent selection of spirits. Also has very good looking bar staff.
    The Black Sheep Bar, when it's not Trendy Teenager night, play the widest range of music I have ever heard in a single night. I started going there for the Metal back in college, but they do a great Indie/Motown night, breakdancing, comedy, DnB, Techno. Shy FX is playing there soon I think...
    I also did my first ever gig there and everyone was really supportive, even though I was wearing over-the-knee rainbow coloured socks.
    The bar staff there are a mixed bag... No I'm kidding, they are lovely to look at too. I'd apply for a job there if it wasn't so badly paid!

    To sum up, Croydon's not all bad, but there's a long way to go before it's up to scratch ;-)

    Thank you all for posting, it's really nice knowing that my two cents get read x x x

  5. Hi - Believe it or not, I lived in Croydon anf Norbury for the first 2 years of married life a loooong time ago.

    I hope when you went clubbing you wore your Kevla jacket :)

    I also used to play the 5 string bsnjo extremely badly, but lent it to a colleague who promptly left the country with it and was never seen again!

  6. Sounds like a real charmer.

  7. @Chairwoman
    I really like Norbury, did you ever go to Sam's chinese take away by the station? He was the nicest guy, always giving us free crackers :-)

    The bounder! That's a really shitty thing to do. I'd post their name on the internet and we can all e-stalk them until your banjo is safely returned to you!

    Hmm... yeah. That whole bum-pinching-then-denying-it-in-front-of-the-gf-act doesn't seem to be working out for him though. I give it another 2-3 years before he insults the wrong person and ends up a sausage muffin in Wandsworth Penitentiary ;-)

  8. *Hehe "I claim him 'Cavernous Cum Bucket' because he is mine, and it rhymes with Fuck It"

  9. Carmen:

    Heh. I take comfort in the knowledge that if he did that to my girlfriend he would only just be regaining consciousness. Maybe.